History didn’t see this salad coming.

When a botched experiment unleashes a kale-fueled apocalypse, the timeline unravels—and humanity’s fate falls into the strangest hands imaginable. Enter Undead Trump, still boasting, still blustering, and still convinced only he can “make salad great again.” But he isn’t alone.

From the rift of history stride unlikely allies and rivals: Julius Caesar, armed with croutons of destiny. Cleopatra, weaving diplomacy from cucumber silk. The Broccoli Overlords, ancient and smug, determined to pickle humanity into submission. And towering above them all, the brined monstrosity known only as Cukezilla.

What follows is an outrageous clash of egos, empires, and condiments: ranch rebellions, vinaigrette vanguards, quantum squirrels armed with glowing acorns, and Elon Musk’s AI doppelgänger wrangling wormholes in Tesla tractors.

It’s part history, part satire, part fever dream—and entirely unlike anything you’ve ever read.

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if world leaders, ancient rulers, and mutant vegetables went to war over salad dressing, this book has your answer.

Perfect for fans of political satire, absurdist comedy, and anyone who thinks history class could’ve used more ranch dressing and interdimensional cucumbers.

Prepare yourself for the Final Feast.